To anyone who knows me, they know that I love watching the Real Housewives series on Bravo. Okay, I lied. I’m totally ADDICTED to them. And to answer your question, I watch every city-even though a handful are definitely better than others. 90% of the time involves old(er) rich ladies who fight like they’re back in 8th grade, but that 10% of the time is the portion that keeps me coming back for more. Whether it’s the slick comebacks (NeNe is the Queen), the “jobs” some of these wives have, or the ridiculously gorgeous lives they live (um Lisa V.), TRH series takes precedent in our household.
While I live and breathe #AIP, I still have my moments when I crave normal people food-a.k.a. sweets. Coincidentally enough I thought of this article while watching RHONJ. I mean, what better way to combine my favorite show(s) than with themed treats around town….treats that I would die to eat.
Let’s be real, the OC is the OG of the Housewives Saga. Kicking off this seasonal phenomenon with sunshine, botox, “champs,” and a hint of scandal, the OC ladies are devious, beautiful women. It’s only appropriate that a playful, yet sophisticated dessert represents them, okay mostly Heather Dubrow. Plus we all know these ladies don’t really eat a lot of sweets, so bite-sized “Dreamsicle” Macarons from Sugar Bliss Patisserie are the perfect representation.
Probably my favorite city of them all-mostly because a good handful of them have actual jobs and are the types of ladies I like to surround myself with-fast paced, “know-it-alls,” and very successful. Sure, these ladies have their childish arguments, but NO ONE let’s any one’s sh*t slide by. Whether they travel to Morocco, The Hamptons, or around Ms. Sonia Morgan’s large-ass-broken-down-house, every scandalous secret is exposed. It would be a sin to not pay homage to the Big Apple with anything but a pie from Joy and the Baker.
Even though I wasn’t a fan of this season at first, once I re-watched the seasons with my hubs, the hilarious sayings and fights that these ladies took part in left my side hurting from laughter. However, don’t let the ladies’ sweetness fool you, once you break down their walls, you’ll find that their core is as hard as a rock, much like their capital’s fruit. Before you flip on a season re-run, make sure you “Nene snap” on this delicious AF blueberry-peach crisp from Paleomg.
Although this season doesn’t have as much hype, the drama that comes along with these ladies is incredible. Behind their sun kissed tans and their fake boobs, these women are out for blood. In a season that defines your status in Miami by the neighborhood you live in living in, the size of the boat you have, or the type of an over-the-top fundraiser/party, it’s definitely hard to measure up to these ladies. Sure, they might seem sweet and kiss both of your cheeks, but beware of the puckered aftertaste, much like a key lime pie. If you close your eyes while munching on Bang Bang Pie Shop‘s Key Lime pie, you might be able to taste the ocean…and Miami’s saltiness.
Coming in at my second favorite city, the Jersey season hands down deals with the most intense forms of scandal. From flipping tables, doing hard time in prison, multiple physical altercations, stripper rumors, denouncing Italian heritages, mob references, and screeching “joy-zee” accents ALL CAUGHT ON FILM, there hasn’t been an episode to date that has been blah or boring. With their quick remarks, outrageous hissy fits, and not-so-subtle-digs, sometimes these ladies act like straight up children. However, there’s nothing juvenile about these whimsical cookie dough cannolis from Warm Belly Bakery. I mean, if you live in Jersey, it’s pretty much a requirement to have deep rooted heritages, even if you are “1/16th Italian.”
For anyone who has seen this season cannot deny that they are envious of all of these ladies and their lives. I mean, they live in gigantic museums, drive around in private planes, breed super models, and have multiple homes (not houses, homes!). These ladies sh*t out money, for real. I’m not the first to openly admit, I’m incredibly jealous of Kyle’s hair or the fact that Lisa V. can’t gain weight (as she ages) to save her life. However, I also realize that these ladies live in a pricey-ass bubble, where they are definitely not in touch with normal-people reality. Once you drive past that glorious BH “town sign,” everything is magical and sparkly-much like stepping into Sweet Mandy B’s in Lincoln Park. Doesn’t SMB’s custom Beverly Hills cupcake match this season to a tee?
Being the newest season on the Bravo-block has it’s challenges, but these Texan chicks really know how to fire up a spicy season. Keeping to the state motto, the drama, charity functions, ring sizes, and egos are definitely mucho bigger in Texas. What better way to swallow the giant pill of reality (t.v.) and watching the lives of these nutty housewives then alongside a rich and crunchy Pecan Pie Bar from Delicious Meets Healthy. Although it’s not AIP (it’s Paleo), I’d sacrifice a day or two of itchiness for this treat.